The Biggest Douche in the Universe

Yes, the title is borrowed from the South Park[1] episode 615. But the award doesn’t go to John Edwards. No, it doesn’t go to Bush either. I have no doubt about who it should go to. I will give you some clues.

He was, for a long time, one of the most powerful men in the world. Even today, when, if the world had any sense, he would be on trial as a war criminal and much more, he is often quoted about important affairs of the world. The International Affairs. He is quoted even in the Indian media even though in those days of power he showed nothing but contempt for India and actively worked against the Indian national interests: To the extent he cared for India. Now he has become a kind of Indophile. In the national interests of his own nation. He wasn’t bothered about how many men were killed, mutilated, burnt alive, gassed etc. due to his actions, even though he was (presumably) from a community which was the target of the Holocaust. He could say things which would make even Hitler and Stalin look mild, without, as they say, batting an eyelid.

Or bowling an eyelid, for that matter.

Need more? Joseph Heller is one of the greatest American writers. At least two of his books, ‘Catch-22’ and ‘Something Happened’, are definitely masterpieces. He also wrote one book called ‘Good as Gold’ which didn’t come out that well. But this book is remarkable for one thing. For the characterization of its second (invisible, in a way) protagonist. That second protagonist of ‘Good as Gold’ is the person I am talking about.

If you have still not guessed, then, Ladies and Gentlemen, the Biggest Douche in the Universe award goes to…

Who else?

Yes, it is none but the great statesman, a Nobel Peace Prize laureate, the former Secretary of State of the US of A, the former National Security Adviser (of the US of A), the defender of democracy, the crusader against the commies, the mass murdering member of the community which was mass murdered only some years earlier, a giant hypocrite even the likes of L.K. Advani can’t come anywhere near. In fact, using the word hypocrite is an insult to him. It’s too light for him.

Security. Peace. Nobel Prize. Mass murder. Security.

Great sounding designation that: National Security Adviser.

Alias: International Mass Murderer.

Alias: Super-Duper Official Terrorist.

I can go on. But I don’t have to. I will just make the announcement and you can find out all the details about him. They are all over the place. Online and off. That book I mentioned earlier. The only really good thing about that book is that it gives a fairly good account of our winner.

The Biggest Douche in the Universe (BDU) is no other than Henry K. That is, H. Kissinger. H for Henry. K for Kissinger.

Note that this award is not for the BDU of the year. It is the BDU of all history.

There simply is no match.

[1]: I don’t really approve of the South Park politics, whether it’s called South Park Republicanism or something else. More on that later.

Author: anileklavya

मैं सांगणिक भाषाविज्ञान (Computational Linguistics) में एक शोधकर्ता हूँ। इसके अलावा मैं पढ़ता हूँ, पढ़ता हूँ, पढ़ता हूँ, और कुछ लिखने की कोशिश भी करता हूँ। हाल ही मैं मैने ज़ेडनेट का हिन्दी संस्करण ( भी शुरू किया है। एक छोटी सी शुरुआत है। उम्मीद करता हूँ और लोग भी इसमें भाग लेंगे और ज़ेडनेट/ज़ेडमैग के सर्वोत्तम लेखों का हिन्दी (जो कि अपने दूसरे रूप उर्दू के साथ करोड़ों लोगों की भाषा है) में अनुवाद किया जा सकेगा।

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